The stories we tell ourselves - and how to change them

In my last post I shared how the mind naturally leans towards threat and worst case scenarios. After reading a wonderful piece by hypnotherapist and narrative coach Anna Katharina Schaffner, I was reminded that our inner narratives do not just colour our mood. They shape how we interpret events, how we see ourselves, and what feels possible for our future. In this weeks’ post, I’m going to outline the good news: what we can do about it.

Before I get to the steps you can take, I want to build on how the stories are formed, because there are layers to this. It is not just that the mind looks for danger. It is also constantly telling stories about who we are and how life works

We are not simply thinkers who sometimes tell stories. We are storytelling beings. We are always selecting details from our experiences, giving them meaning, and linking them together into an ongoing inner script.

These stories help us make sense of the world, giving us identity and direction. But when they are outdated or unkind, they can quietly hold us back.

You might recognise some of these familiar inner storylines:

“I am not good enough.” “I never finish what I start.” “I am always behind.” “I have to be perfect.” “Nothing ever goes my way.”

These are not just passing thoughts, they are well rehearsed narratives, that have become real simply because of the repetition. The more often they run, the more true they feel, and once we believe them, they influence how we act, what we attempt, and what we avoid.

Here is the hopeful part: stories can be changed - they are not facts set in stone. They are interpretations, and interpretations can be updated.

Read on to learn how to become more conscious authors of your inner world.

A gentle five step way to begin changing your story

1. Notice the story you are telling
Pay attention to the recurring themes in your self talk. What are the usual headlines? What assumptions do you jump to about yourself or your life?

2. Get curious about where it came from
When did you first start believing this? Was it something you absorbed from family, school, culture, or a difficult experience? Understanding the origin often softens the grip of the story.

3. Edit out what is unfair or untrue
If this story were a paragraph on a page, which parts would you cross out? Where are you ignoring evidence of your strengths, growth, or resilience?

4. Reinterpret your experiences with compassion and wisdom
Instead of catastrophising or dismissing your feelings, look for a balanced and humane perspective. If you viewed this situation through the kindest and most understanding lens, what might you see?

5. Choose a story that allows you to move forward
This is not about forced positivity. It is about a fairer, more supportive narrative. One that makes room for growth, capability, and possibility.

This links closely with the idea that the mind does not just react to life, it interprets life through the lens of the stories it already believes. When we gently shift the narrative, even a little, we also shift what the mind starts to notice and expect.

A small change in focus does not deny reality. It simply widens it.

If you have been feeling stuck in the same old mental loop, you might try exploring this as a journaling exercise, or simply holding the question in mind during your day.

What story am I telling right now, and is there a kinder, more accurate version available to me?

And if you would like support in reshaping some of these deeper patterns, that is exactly the kind of work we do together in hypnotherapy, and you are always welcome to get in touch.